One year ago, I walked into a doctors office for a follow up to an emergency room visit from the weekend before. I was 18 weeks pregnant and had started spotting and having contractions the week before. When the spotting turned to heavy bleeding, we headed to the ER. I was having contractions that they could see on the scan, but they were just “practice contractions.” The emergency room nurse had said the bleed (an SCH) was common and she told us not to worry, so I headed to the follow up visit alone.

While I waited in the exam room, I heard a doctor outside the door stop another doctor and ask, “What can I tell her to give her hope?” The other doctor paused, I suppose to look at the file, and responded, “There’s nothing we can do but wait. There isn’t even anything experimental we can try.” I started to worry a bit, but reminded myself that the nurse had said my bleed was common, so they must be talking about someone else. The doctor entered the room a few moments later. He had a piece of paper and he began to draw and explain what an SCH is, a bleed on the uterine wall during pregnancy. Then, he went on to explain that it typically is not a big deal unless it is behind the placenta. He paused, “Your bleed is behind the placenta.” The doctor was visibly emotional. At this point I was deeply regretting not bringing Ryan with me. I was afraid to ask, but I needed to know. “What are the chances the baby will make it?” He looked down at his drawing while he answered, “50/50.”

My heart stopped. Time froze. I don’t know how much time passed. The doctor said, “We will see you again in 2 weeks for your 20 week scan, if I don’t see you sooner. Take it easy, modified bed rest. Come back if the bleed gets worse or if the contractions get painful and timeable.”

The doctor walked me out. I had tears in my eyes, but I was able to hold it together until I got to the car. I called Ryan and told him because I knew he was waiting to hear how things went. We were sad, and then angry. Why? Why couldn’t this be our easy pregnancy? We had struggled through 2 early losses in the past and we had just passed the due date of one of those losses. Micah’s pregnancy was full of worry due to his medical issues, and Harrison had been a rainbow baby as well. All we could do now was rest and pray.

At 19 weeks I was back in the ER with contractions and put on “full bed rest, with bathroom privileges”. Once I went a full 2 weeks without a bleed, I could go back to modified bed rest. Ryan wrote me a message every day during that time.

We had originally agreed not to find out if our baby was a boy or a girl, but after this news I had to know. Baby needed a name and an identity. I wanted to announce the name, because if anything happened I wanted people to know our baby. It might seem dramatic, but in that moment that was all I wanted. The next week we found out we were having a baby boy. Ezra.

We were sent to a specialist at 21 weeks, who reassured us that the bleed had resolved. She diagnosed me with an irritable uterus, which causes ongoing contractions, likely caused by the bleed. We got all kinds of information about premature labor and what to look for. We talked about preemies and trying to hang in there until at least 24 weeks when baby would be viable.

Every single week felt like a victory. We had a couple of scares and visits to labor and delivery, but baby Ezra stayed put. So much so, that I was eventually induced at 41 weeks. All of this talk of a premature baby from every doctor we saw, and here we were, forcing him out a week late. It truly felt like a miracle that we made it this far.

Now, we have the best 7 month old anyone could ask for. He is sweet, snuggly, smiley, sleeps well, and is incredibly easy going. We have been so blessed with this beautiful baby. What a difference a year can make!

We are so happy to be celebrating Ezra’s baptism this weekend. We are so grateful for him. With so much uncertainty during his pregnancy, it is amazing to have him here in our arms, and we will never take that for granted. He was meant to be a part of this family.

We have a great summer planned too! The kids helped us make a “Summer Fun List” so we don’t miss a thing. Ezra will get to enjoy his first boat ride, swim, parades, and fireworks. The fun has just begun with these 3 beautiful boys!